


Help Yourself

by Erisabesu (ErisabesuFic)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 11:17:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21270182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErisabesuFic/pseuds/Erisabesu
Summary: “It was late morning on THE DAY, the day he’d circled on his calendar several weeks prior, and the day he would finally accomplish his most important goal.”  [2008.08.08]





	Help Yourself

Help Yourself

♦

Sai watched from his hiding spot across the street as Naruto entered his favorite Ramen shop. It was late morning on THE DAY, the day he’d circled on his calendar several weeks prior, and the day he would finally accomplish his most important goal.

_[When asking someone out, choose your moment carefully and practice what you might say in advance so that you don’t appear tongue-tied.]_

He waited in the cool shadows while Naruto sat, ordered, and began to eat his lunch before crossing the cobblestones and ducking under the fabric curtain. Naruto, his black undershirt clinging from the sweat of a hard and thorough morning workout, glanced over his shoulder. Sai fixed him with what he hoped was a sultry look, sitting down in the adjacent seat.

“Sai!” Naruto greeted him, “Haven’t seen you around lately. What’s up?”

_[Make sure that when you ask someone on a date you smile and keep things fun and happy. Being confident and smiley will elicit a far more positive response.]_

Sai turned on the stool to face him, smiling with the utmost confidence. “Naruto—I’d like to go on a date.”

Naruto swiveled his seat in interest, beaming approval. “Hey, that’s great! Dating would be really good for you, Sai. When did you decide this?”

“Oh, a while ago now,” Sai dropped his gaze to watch Naruto’s hands gathering noodles and lifting them up to his mouth, thrilled at Naruto’s positive reaction. He couldn’t remember ever _not_ wanting to go out with Naruto, even though he’d pretended something else in the beginning. But now that they were true friends, Sai was more than sure of what he wanted—and he wanted it _now_.

Naruto swallowed the last of his noodles and cocked his head, grinning. “Well I could help you, you know.”

“Help me?” Sai’s smile faltered—Naruto’s statement confused him.

“Sure!” Naruto drained his bowl and set it aside. “I can totally help you plan your date, you know, like where to go and how to dress. Introduce you to some girls. Stuff like that.”

“Oh, okay.”

Then Sai sat bolt upright. _“Oh.”_

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. Somewhere in the distance he could hear the screeching explosion of his fantasies being derailed.

“_And_,” Naruto leaned closer, waggling his eyebrows and dropping his voice in masculine conspiracy, “I happen to know _aaaaaaaaaall_ the best date spots in Konoha—you can’t go wrong if I show you how to do it right!”

“Er… thank you. So much.” Sai forced a smile.

How could this be happening? This was all so very, very _wrong_. He scratched the back of his neck, his brain furiously working to find a way to turn the situation around, when Naruto thumped him on the arm, flashing another gorgeous smile that pierced his heart.

“Aw, don’t be so nervous! I’ll teach you all the tricks I know, okay? Dating is a piece of cake, you’ll see. You’ll be a pro in no time!”

“Thank you for the help.” Sai folded his hands in his lap, watching as Naruto turned away and thumbed through the bills in his wallet to take care of his waiting tab.

He did not understand. What had he said wrong? How could he undo what had happened if he didn’t know where he’d made the mistake? Distressed, his mind replayed more segments from the audio books he’d been studying on the chance he’d recall something helpful.

_[Ensure that the date occurs sooner rather than later.]_

Sai grabbed Naruto’s elbow before he could get up. “Naruto—are you available tonight?”

Naruto laughed, rising from the stool and slipping his wallet back into his pants pocket. “A little eager, aren’t we?”

Sai flushed, and looked away. _‘You have no idea_,’ he thought.

“Okay let’s see, I have afternoon practice…” Naruto thought for a minute, eyes glancing upward while he rubbed his palms together. “Right. Why don’t you come by my place later on, say around 6:00-ish? I think we can cover most of the basics in one night.”

“I’ll be there,” Sai nodded.

“Alright, I’ll see you then! And be sure to dress _sharp_. Really show me what you’ve got,” Naruto winked and turned to go, one hand lifted in a friendly wave.

It was all Sai could do to eat half the Ramen he’d ordered, his stomach way too busy with butterflies and anticipation to leave any room for actual food.

♦

Sai hadn’t considered asking Naruto on a formal date until he’d been forced to admit that all his other stratagems had _failed_.

First he’d tried securing a spot as Naruto’s primary sparring partner, with grand visions of intensive physical contact leading naturally to heated sexual explorations _en plein air_. These visions burst during their first session, sometime after the third grueling hour and Sai’s tenth ruined calligraphy brush. Naruto’s ferocity in battle demanded his full attention, leaving no room for even a moment’s appreciation of how those tight orange pants clung to his package when he lunged.

After that, Sai invested in a bottle of expensive Sake with the intentions of getting Naruto nice and drunk. He’d brought it to one of Kiba’s parties and poured shot after shot for Naruto where it was less crowded in the backyard, sitting and drinking with him only to make sure he’d be the one to “care” for Naruto once he’d passed out. As the evening progressed, Sai was more than encouraged by Naruto’s slurred speech and flushed cheeks. Personally, he’d felt fine up until the fourteenth round, after which his memory became fogged… until sometime later the next afternoon when he awoke sandwiched on a futon between Kiba’s mom, his sister, and several of their large hounds—instead of waking up to Naruto’s hard penis poking into his stomach as he’d planned.

Then he tried following Naruto to the Onsen, although by the time he’d stepped out of the changing room he found Naruto typically surrounded by friends, in this case soaking between Neji and Shikamaru. It was torture, but since he’d already paid, he’d had to sit across from the three of them and behave, instead of sliding his hands through the steamy water and into Naruto’s lap as he’d imagined, even these fantasies getting interrupted with the untimely arrival of Rock Lee and his total inability to be _still_ and not thrash about. Or—god forbid—do handstands.

He’d tried sharing a private tent during missions, thinking to seduce his teammate when he was fast asleep and vulnerable, but every time he approached Naruto’s sleeping form he wound up with a black eye—a victim of some bizarre muscular reflex to which Naruto would have no memory the next morning. It wasn’t so much the painful swelling from Naruto’s fist or elbow that deterred him from this tactic, but Captain Yamato’s stubborn interference with the team’s sleeping assignments coupled with Sakura’s all-too persistent questioning while she tended his wounds.

In a final, desperate attempt, Sai pretended to trip at an opportune moment and pushed Naruto into an old coat closet near the mission room, one notorious for its door sticking shut if the knob isn’t held exactly the right way. Exactly according to plan, he fell flush against Naruto’s body for glorious moments of nervous chuckling, accidental gropes, and a murmured apology he didn’t actually mean. It should have gone on so much longer, however Naruto shifted them around ninety degrees—to get more comfortable before they started making out, or so Sai had thought. Naruto told him not to worry, running a palm over the wooden panels in the back until one of them gave way to reveal a secret passage that connected to the closest fire escape.

The infinitesimal smidgeon of success came in how Naruto had clasped his hand tight before leading them through the dark to relative safety… though Naruto had been too busy being proud of himself for knowing about the secret passageway, and how best to use it for pranks, to notice anything else.

Sai had _never_ been more frustrated in his whole life.

It was then that he’d resorted to combing the library for advice, reading about Mars and Venus and listening to CD’s by the top gurus on Love, Relationships, and _Getting What You Really Want_. That part was easy: Sai wanted Naruto. Every part of Naruto. (Including _that_ part.)

At first he’d thought that “getting Naruto” really meant “getting Naruto _into bed_”, since that’s what he’d learned people in love did with one another. But after reading and listening and studying to obsession for three weeks, two days, and fifteen hours, Sai had to wonder if he’d gotten it backwards: Perhaps _sex_ wasn’t the best path to a lasting love.

_Courtship_ might just be the missing piece—even though it was turning out to be the most complex stratagem yet.

As Sai got ready for their date—for he was determined to call it a date even if Naruto had misunderstood him yet _again_—he could only hope that the night’s adventure would go well if he put his whole heart into it.

_[Ensure you put effort into your style, dress and presentation.]_

Sai straightened his collar and evaluated his appearance in the mirror. He’d decided against a shirt and tie, settling for a black turtleneck that hugged the sleek lines of his upper body. His shoes and pants were new, exactly the right combination of stylish and casual, showing he cared about his appearance without being too dressy.

Sai smirked at his reflection, sure that Naruto could have no complaints.

Next, he stood behind his empty easel and surveyed the room, making sure that everything was just right, even though it was probably a very slim chance that Naruto would be coming home with him. Not only did Naruto have a reputation for surprises, he’d also proven to be quite the slippery prey. Sai couldn’t be sure that simple wining and dining would get Naruto naked and sweaty and screaming his name by morning… but as any good shinobi should, Sai spent the extra time de-cluttering his small apartment and stocking it with everything they might need.

Even a goody-box.

_[Leave your apartment clean and tidy and presentable because you really never know what may happen later.]_

When facing a date with Uzumaki Naruto, Sai thought truer words had never been said.

♦

At precisely 6:00 Sai knocked on Naruto’s door, a single red rose in his hand.

_[If you wish to take flowers along it’s fine, but remember to keep the proportions small and make things subtle and stylish.]_

“It’s open!”

Sai took a deep breath, and pushed the door forward. Naruto’s apartment looked the same as usual, not exactly a mess, but not exactly clean either. Sai could smell the humidity from a recent shower in the air as he stepped inside and removed his shoes.

“Hey, I’m over here in the bathroom,” Naruto called.

“May I come in?” he asked, just to be on the safe side—it felt strange to simply walk into someone else’s home.

“Of course, jeez,” Naruto laughed.

Sai followed the laughter as well as the clean, smoky scents coming from around the corner. The bathroom door stood open, so he had a clear view of Naruto standing in front of the sink, not a stitch of clothing on him aside from garish boxer shorts.

_[Do not imagine you are going to have sex this evening even though it may not be far from your mind.]_

Naruto winked at him in the mirror, his hands occupied with a razor as he scraped off the last of his stubble. Sai ogled the toned muscles of Naruto’s arms and back, the breadth of his shoulders, the lean curves of his ass and thighs, while Naruto patted his face with a warm washcloth and rinsed away all flecks of shaving foam.

“So I’m running a little late, sorry,” Naruto admitted, grinning despite. “But it won’t take me too much longer to get ready.”

“Please—take your time,” Sai reassured him, hoping he could handle being so close to Naruto while he dressed.

Naruto applied an aftershave, sniffing his armpit to be sure the scents weren’t conflicting, then ambled over to the door. Sai turned so that Naruto could pass him, unprepared for Naruto’s hand to swipe the rose out of his grasp.

“For _meeeeeeeeee_?” Naruto spun around, batting his eyelashes and then snickering as he led the way into his bedroom.

“Er…” Sai really didn’t know what to say, so his cheeks blushed.

Naruto tossed the rose onto his bed. “Not a bad idea, Sai,” he said, going to his dresser and getting out a sleeveless undershirt. “But a rose might not be the best choice, especially for the first date.”

“Oh I see,” Sai replied, watching as Naruto pulled the undershirt over his head, and went to the closet to get a pair of slacks.

“It’s no big deal; we’ll just swing by the Yamanaka’s on the way.”

Sai nodded, standing against the doorjamb while Naruto put on a pale blue button-down shirt, the color setting off his eyes and necklace and accenting his blond hair. Sai’s eyes followed Naruto’s hands as they tucked the shirt in, and then threaded a belt through the loops of his pants, fastening the buckle. His hair looked different, too, Sai noted. It was sexier than normal… and that was saying something.

“So did you have any ideas of where to go on your date?” Naruto asked, seated on his bed to tie his shiny dress shoes.

_[If the person you ask says yes, ensure you already have thought of a place, date, and time for the date so that you display signs of thoughtfulness.]_

“Well,” Sai hesitated, then pushed on. “I think first we should go on a romantic candlelight dinner for two, and then afterwards we could go on a twilight stroll through the park and sit by the fountain.”

Sai’s heart dropped when Naruto made a face.

“Hmm…” Naruto finished tying his shoe, and then stood up with a crooked smile. “I think I have a better idea. But first, let’s do something about that _outfit_.”

“Er… what?” Sai stiffened when Naruto crooked his finger in silent command, though his feet obeyed without question.

Naruto circled him, eyeing his body from every angle while tapping a studious finger on his chin. “Okay. The turtleneck has got to go.”

Sai hardly had any warning before Naruto’s hands began to untuck his shirt, sliding the fabric up his torso until he had to lift his arms or be strangled by it. Naruto chuckled, casting the garment to the side though his hand lingered on Sai’s abs and stroked over the dips and swells.

“Dude, you really work out, huh?” Naruto commented, tapping Sai’s hard stomach with the backs of his knuckles.

_[Do not imagine you are going to have sex this evening even though it may not be far from your mind.]_

Sai’s heart thudded behind his ribs as he endured Naruto’s touches. “Five-hundred crunches every day.”

“Heh, I can tell.”

Naruto glanced up to meet his eyes, then flashed a nervous smile and moved away to the dresser. Sai didn’t miss the hint of pink across the bridge of his nose. Naruto tossed him an undershirt, then flipped through the hangers in his closet until he found a shirt the color of garnets.

“I think this one will fit. You’re always in black—it’s too severe for a date,” he said as Sai buttoned it on. “You could do with some pizzazz for a change.”

Sai tucked the shirt in, wondering how he looked; this was not something he’d ever have picked out for himself. Naruto cocked his head at him, then came over and undid the shirt’s top button. Sai held his breath at Naruto’s fingers so close to his sensitive neck.

“Leave this one open,” Naruto said, smoothing the collar into something more casual and then looking him over once more.

“Is it better?” Sai asked, unsure how a red shirt could make him sexier than a clinging black turtleneck, but he was willing to go along with whatever Naruto said.

“Hmm,” Naruto paused, then snapped his fingers. “Just one thing more.”

He motioned for Sai to follow him back into the bathroom, where he unscrewed a small flat jar sitting beside the sink. Naruto scooped his right fingertips into the sticky, opaque contents, smearing it evenly on both palms. Sai held still as Naruto slid both hands through his hair from front to back, the smell of the styling product clean and spicy. Then Naruto combed through the front in swift upward strokes.

“Oooo,” Naruto admired his handiwork. “That’s _hot_.”

He threw a friendly arm around Sai’s shoulders and steered him to face the mirror. Sai took one look at the two of them standing together and felt immediately lightheaded from the onslaught of sex-appeal. _Dear God!_

“See?” Naruto grinned, leaning so comfortably against him that Sai thought nothing of curling his arm around Naruto’s hip.

“You are so lucky you have me to help you!” Naruto grinned. “Tonight is going to be unforgettable, I can tell.”

Sai had to take several deep breaths.

_‘Oh boy.’_

♦

Ten minutes later and they were standing in front of the Yamanaka flower shop. Sai made sure to be the first one to the door so that he could hold it open, allowing Naruto to precede him.

“Thanks, buddy,” Naruto flashed him another thousand-watt smile as he passed. Sai hoped the noise of the door closing behind them would hide the _rat-a-tat-a_ of his heart.

“And good thinking with the door thing,” Naruto glanced over his shoulder in-between surveying the buckets and cases of flowers all around them. “Girls love that stuff. Makes ’em crazy for you.”

“I see,” Sai commented, watching Naruto focus so intently on the choice at hand. Finally, Naruto folded his arms across his chest and grinned.

“So tell me,” he cocked his blond head, “Which of these flowers, besides a rose of course, would you pick to give your date?”

“Which of these?” Sai repeated, moving to stand beside Naruto and observe the rainbow of options.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Ino said, coming around from behind the counter with obvious interest. Sai’s eyes narrowed at the flirty gleam in her eyes.

“Shh, Ino,” Naruto waved her off, gently, “This is a test! Don’t say anything, okay?”

“A test?” Ino tilted her head, curious.

“Yes! So don’t mess it up, okay?” Naruto winked at her, and Sai pressed his lips together in a tight line.

“These are pretty,” Sai moved his hand towards the carnations, but Naruto interrupted him.

“Blech, too unoriginal.”

“Then this one,” Sai reached for a fresh daisy.

Naruto shook his head. “Not romantic enough!”

“What about this?” He reached for a pure white lily, a flower whose delicate, simple curves surely represented the truth of a lasting love.

Naruto sighed in frustration, “Jeez, Sai, just who are you dating? A _Nun_?!”

Sai whipped his head around to see Naruto’s face, horrified at the thought of him as an eternal virgin. Somewhere in his mind a tidal wave of impending despair crashed on the rocks of his deepest hopes and darkest fantasies. _‘None?!’_

Ino giggled from behind her hand, and Naruto laughed and shook his head.

“Aw, don’t make such a scary face! It’s not that hard, really. Here, look at these.”

Sai moved with Naruto over to a silver bucket, and watched as he singled out a dark pink and white spotted orchid. Then Naruto smirked, handing it out to him. Sai gently lifted the flower to his nose and inhaled the soft fragrance.

“I like to give one of these,” Naruto explained, their eyes locking. “They’re exotic and beautiful… _just like you_.”

Sai gasped. Did he just…?

Then Naruto seemed to understand what he’d said, scratching his head and looking away amid nervous laughter. “Ha ha! Or something like that, you know. You can say anything really, it doesn’t matter so so much, and nobody remembers it later on anyways.”

Sai had never seen anyone be so adorable before. “Thank you,” he said, trying to put Naruto at ease. “It matches my shirt.”

“Huh?”

“I mean your shirt,” Sai corrected.

“Oh. Yeah. Well, uh,” Naruto stammered, “I didn’t plan that or anything, but it’s always a nice touch to coordinate things like that if at all possible, you know, for formal things and whatnot. Not that this is formal, of course, it’s just part of the lesson. And stuff.”

“Of course,” Sai nodded. “Part of the lesson.” But he still hadn’t passed the test yet. He glanced once again at the rows of different types of flowers, then made his final choice from the stand hidden in the corner.

“Then for tonight, I’ll give you this.” He presented Naruto with the largest and most gorgeous sunflower of the group. Naruto took it, his mouth open in surprise.

_[A date loves to be complimented, made to feel sexy, gorgeous and beautiful.]_

Sai braced himself before speaking the words coming straight from his heart: “Because once the summer comes, and all the others have faded into dust, _you_ remain strong and bright, and beautiful.”

Not a single particle of air moved in the room; everything was frozen in a standstill. For a moment Sai was sure he’d somehow made a critical error… but then Naruto’s nose turned pink in a flush that spread over both cheeks before he coughed and looked away.

_‘It worked?! No way…’_ Sai blinked through the surge of triumph.

“Um, yeah, er–yeah, I think you got the idea,” Naruto rubbed his nose and turned away from him. “We’ll call that lesson passed, so next is…” He looked at the ceiling for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Ah! I know just what we’ll cover next! Let’s go!”

“Yes, yes,” Sai agreed, smiling his most genuine smile as Naruto headed for the door without looking back.

On the way out Sai waved at Ino—trembling in her spot by the roses with both hands covering her mouth, her complexion the fierce magenta of extreme glee. It was very curious, but as he didn’t have time to linger, Sai bid her farewell by kissing the orchid still in his hand and tossing it through the air to land at her feet.

He could have imagined it, but he was almost sure that a high-pitched squeal came from somewhere inside once the door closed behind him.

♦

“So this is it!” Naruto threw open the doors, his rugged, confident smile back in place.

Sai looked around the premises and tried to keep an open mind, but really the whole atmosphere seemed… well… _wrong_. Not at all what he’d expect on a date. Naruto made his way through a cluster of lounge chairs and led them over to a line of booths, calling out greetings to a few of the locals he recognized.

“Do you really bring dates here?” Sai asked, not able to hide the doubts in his voice.

“Sure I do!” Naruto laughed, obviously right at home. Sai raised a brow, taking in the dim lighting, the handful of patrons drinking beers and reading the paper, and the gaudy decorations on the walls—things like deer heads and sports pennants, and other paraphernalia he felt sure there was no need to identify at the present time.

“Naruto, this is a _bar_,” he said, trying to understand what Naruto was thinking. He didn’t even drink; neither of them did. (Kiba’s parties being the exception.)

Naruto waved it off, “No it’s not.”

“Isn’t that a bar?” Sai pointed to the long polished counter where a man—an ex-shinobi by the looks of him—was drying glasses with a white towel and standing before the largest collection of liquor Sai had ever seen.

“Yeah, okay, there’s a bar here, but that’s not the main attraction. Didn’t you notice _those_ when we came in?” Naruto pointed in the other direction, to the large rectangular tables lined up in the middle of the place, each with leather around the outside edge framing a coating of very unappetizing looking green fuzz.

Sai tried to picture them eating dinner there with that triangle thing in the way, and failed. He scratched his cheek, at a loss. “But there are no chairs—how are we supposed to eat?”

Naruto’s jaw hit the floor. Then he started gesturing in that way of his, his voice rising in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Don’t you know what that is? You’re saying you’ve never seen a Pool table before?”

Sai shifted his feet, confused. “You mean, for swimming?” How was that an appropriate date activity? None of the audio books had mentioned swimming—

By the way Naruto had slumped over in complete exasperation, Sai knew he’d missed the mark. It was somewhat of a relief.

“Alright, Sai,” Naruto put both hands on his shoulders, his blue eyes intense like a tropical storm. “It’s like a major crime for anyone our age not to know how to play Pool, so we’re going to scratch all other lessons for the moment and get you up to speed. Got it?”

“Er…yes,” Sai nodded, surprised at Naruto’s enthusiasm, but thrilled to have his complete attention.

“Good,” Naruto nodded, letting go so he could dig out his wallet and toss several bills onto the bar. “Hey barkeep! Table six, okay?”

Sai watched the man nod and make a notation on a white board off to the side, and then focused all his attention on his blond companion. His _date_. The thought sent thrills down to the soles of his feet.

“Okay, here’s the deal,” Naruto explained while retrieving two tapered sticks from the far wall, and handing one to Sai. “While this place may look like a bar, and okay, I admit on the weekends that’s really what it boils down to, but on a weekday like this it’s just a fun, laid back place where people can grab something to eat or drink, and enjoy a friendly game of Pool or Darts, or whatever.”

Naruto picked up a cube of something blue from the side of the table and rubbed it on his stick before passing it over.

“A good place for a date?” Sai asked, mirroring Naruto’s movements.

“I think so,” Naruto shrugged. “I mean, yeah, you could go to some restaurant and sit there for hours just talking and stuff, but here you can talk and have fun and eat all at the same time!”

Sai thought about this, and thought about what it revealed about Naruto, and smiled. “So how do we play?”

“Heh,” Naruto grinned, flashing his bright predator’s teeth. He adjusted the triangle piece on the surface of the table, rolling the colorful balls contained within it back and forth. “You better watch out, because I _kill_ at Pool.”

Sai smiled his best, most disarming smile. “I am your humble student.”

Naruto’s instructions were hard to follow; so much of the game was alien to him. But once Naruto had categorized the balls (cue ball, 8 ball, stripes, solids), and then demonstrated a few of the shots (break shot, cut shot, two rails reverse shot), Sai thought he’d be able to master the game pretty quick. After all, it was really just sticks and balls, sticks and balls.

Sticks and balls happened to be his specialty.

_‘I can do this,’_ he told himself, enjoying the fierce gleam in Naruto’s eyes.

_[The more eye contact you establish with the target, the better.]_

Sai didn’t let his eyes waver, filling their darkness with fighting spirit until his battle aura matched Naruto’s. Naruto grinned, the challenge of friendly competition enhancing his sex appeal to gargantuan proportions. As long as Naruto continued looking at him like that, they could play Pool until dawn for all he cared.

Naruto shifted the rack a tiny bit to the left, then lifted it and held out his hand to the perfect arrangement of multicolored balls. “Newbies first,” he offered.

“My thanks,” Sai nodded, leaning forward and lining up his cue stick on the edge of his thumb before striking it in the exact center.

As it turned out, ten games were enough to prove that Sai was a natural genius at shooting Pool. And by the tenth game, they’d also used up enough energy to make both their stomachs rumble demands that could not be ignored. Instead of the candlelit dinner Sai had so often imagined, they ended up ordering something filling from the menu and ate in record time, with hardly any conversation at all. Yet instead of disappointment, Sai actually felt happy. It was kind-of fun to be out with Naruto like this, even if it wasn’t what he expected. Maybe that was okay too.

When the bartender came over with the check, Sai immediately grabbed for it.

_[If you are a guy you are paying the bill or getting the check, whatever you believe.]_

“Hey, I was going to get that,” Naruto protested, pressing down on the paper before Sai could read the total.

“Please, allow me,” Sai smiled. “It’s a man’s duty to pay the check.”

“Yo,” Naruto pointed at himself. “Did you forget that I’m a man?!”

“Of course not,” Sai glanced away at the thought of Naruto’s manly bits, a pang of longing slicing through his breast. “But I must ask you to let me pay the check.”

“No way,” Naruto tugged the paper towards him. “I’m the instructor here, so I’ll pay the check.”

“But it was my invitation to come out tonight,” Sai argued. There was no way he could let his date pay—it was an extreme _faux pas_.

Naruto frowned. “Well then at least let me pay for my half. Then it’s fair.”

“I would really prefer that it be my treat,” Sai tugged the paper back towards his side of the table.

Naruto looked like he was going to continue to argue, but then he withdrew his hand. “Fine, if you insist then I won’t stop you. And anyways I paid for the Pool time, so there.”

Sai blinked. He’d forgotten about the money Naruto had paid the bartender in the beginning, and opened his mouth to argue over it, but Naruto must have anticipated his response and took advantage of the distraction to snatch the check right out of his hand.

“But—”

“No buts!” Naruto laughed, eyes sparkling. “If you want to pay for dinner, you have to let me pay for the Pool. Deal?”

Sai knew the skirmish was lost the moment Naruto flashed him that knockout smile of his.

“Deal,” he replied, reaching out to shake Naruto’s hand, and reveling in the feel of their mutual strength.

Business concluded, Naruto patted his tummy as they left the Pool Hall, sighing in bliss and chewing on a toothpick. “Next time we’ll eat before we play. My game’s much better when I’m not hungry.”

“Oh,” Sai frowned beside him. “Was it wrong for me to win so much? I suppose I could have let you win at least one—”

“Pssht! Whatever,” Naruto shrugged it off, though he still looked disgruntled. “I was just doing you a favor, since it was your first time and all. Didn’t want to make it too hard for ya. But next time I won’t go so easy,” Naruto stuck out his chin, and rubbed a hand back through his tousled blond hair.

“I see,” Sai smiled, his heart warming up at the promise of a _‘next time’_. This was turning out to be one of the best days of his life–who would have known shooting Pool with Naruto could be so fun?

“Though it’s too bad there weren’t any girls around to see you,” Naruto flashed an apologetic smile. “We could have invited them to play too, you know, and maybe you’d have even hit it off.”

Sai had to try very hard not to panic at these words. Had he _still_ not gotten his intentions through to Naruto? _How_ could that be? He suddenly felt faint, and pressed a hand to his brow. He leaned against a nearby tree for a moment, wondering what to do about his deep and abiding—and apparently _terminally unrequited_—love.

“Oi, oi!” Naruto rushed to his side. “What’s the matter? You okay?”

_‘Okay?! How could I be okay?’_ he said to his innermost self. Out loud, he sighed a sigh of woe.

“Whoa there!” Naruto fluttered around him in distress. “Was it the burger? The fries? I know the food back there can be pretty greasy…”

But he didn’t want to make Naruto worry, so Sai took a deep breath and stood up. “I’m okay,” he smiled, “I think I must have eaten too quickly, but it’s fine now.”

“Are you sure?” Naruto still looked concerned. “I mean, we’re not far from your neighborhood, maybe we should call it a night—”

“—No!” Sai blurted, panicking at the idea of everything stopping here. He wasn’t ready for it to be over yet.

“But if you’re not feeling well…?”

“What I mean is,” Sai paused, thinking carefully. “I think… there are still things I must learn.”

“Hmm, well,” Naruto thought about this, but didn’t seem convinced. “We’ve covered most of the basic things, like dress and stuff. And you can play Pool now, which you couldn’t before. It’s not like we really have to do everything in one—”

“—But what about movies?” Sai asked, the topic jumping out of his mouth and surprising him.

“What about them?” Naruto tilted his head.

“Well, I’ve heard that lots of people like to go to movie theaters on dates,” he said, hoping it sounded legitimate. “So I’m sure you can give me some advice on how to have a successful movie date.”

“Ha ha,” Naruto grinned, puffing out his chest. “Well it’s true that staging the right atmosphere can be difficult at the movies, and not everyone can pull it off well. It takes a certain skill to put things in the right mood, if you know what I mean.” Naruto waggled his brows, and Sai’s fingertips tingled in triumph—perhaps his chances hadn’t all been lost.

“All right! We’ve still got time to take in a late show, so I’ll be able to show you everything I know!” Naruto punched his fist in the air before taking off in the direction of the local theater.

Sai, for his part, enjoyed the view from behind while he tried to catch up.

♦

Just like before in the flower shop, Naruto stood with his hands on his hips, studying the electronic billboard listing movie titles and show times in order to pick the very best one. And just like before, Naruto finished his reconnaissance and turned to fix Sai with a sly smirk.

“All right,” Naruto indicated the list with a nod of his head. “Now which of these movies do you think would be the best choice for a date?”

Sai scanned the movie titles intently, determined to get the question right. But before he could pick anything out there was a sudden burst of giggles from the bench on the sidewalk down the way, calling their attention away from the ticket window. Sai took one look at the two teenage girls and frowned. They had shopping bags at their feet, and seemed to be taking a break before going home. He glanced at Naruto, and then recoiled from the sudden burst of sparkles radiating from his skin.

“_Oi_,” Naruto grabbed his arm, blue eyes still riveted to the girls nearby. “What do you think?”

“I don’t understand the question,” Sai matched Naruto’s low tone, little more than a whisper.

Naruto rolled his eyes. “_Them!_ The girls! We should go talk to them, and see if they want to see the movie with us!”

“Oh, I don’t—” Sai’s throat closed up on the words. “I don’t think I’m ready—”

“Nonsense,” Naruto assured him, thumping him on the back. “That’s what we’re here for, isn’t it?”

“Er, well…” the words trailed off. Sai looked from Naruto to the girls, from the girls to Naruto, and sighed. Maybe this was impossible after all.

“Don’t worry, we’ll do this together, okay?” Naruto squeezed the back of his neck in an attempt at reassurance. “I’ll show you the first part, so watch closely.”

Sai folded his arms tight across his body, feeling angry at Naruto for the first time in many, many months. Naruto waited until the girls looked over in their direction, and then raised one hand to wave. As they waved back, Sai saw Naruto’s eyes darken and his lips curl in the most seductive and enticing smile he’d ever seen, a smile so powerful that not even the fourth Hokage could have topped it. It was so magnetic he had to concentrate not to go to his knees before Naruto right there in the street, half his brain asking him why on earth he would resist.

Naturally, both girls turned red before dissolving into more giggles, and Naruto looked more than pleased with himself.

“Now _you_ go talk to them, and invite them out with us,” Naruto prodded.

Sai gaped at him. He couldn’t be serious!

“I’m serious! It’ll be good practice for when I’m not around!” Naruto laughed, touching Sai’s arm as he leaned in and dropped his voice, “And with how hot we look tonight, how could they resist?”

Naruto seemed so happy, Sai couldn’t bring himself to refuse. He took a deep breath, anger and frustration welling in his gut–the two emotions he least enjoyed having. There was nothing for it but to walk away from his date, and go talk to the two girls that happened to sit on a bench within firing range of the Uzumaki Smile of Doom.™ Sai tried to put a smile on his face, knowing that it wasn’t _their_ fault he was in love with someone so dense. And they didn’t look like bad girls. In fact, they were kind of cute—if it were possible for him to get beyond their unfortunate lack of penis.

They smiled in that shy feminine way as he approached, one of them bold enough to wink when he’d come close enough to talk. And then he realized something important—why in the hell should he invite strangers into their date? It was ridiculous! He glanced back at Naruto, still looking suave in front of the ticket window, and quickly concocted a way to ensure their time would remain uninterrupted.

“Good evening,” he said, nodding politely. The girls tittered.

“My friend over there,” Sai paused to indicate Naruto, who waved back. “He’d like to know if you might have any medication for diarrhea that he could borrow.”

Both girls gawked at him, then shook their heads to answer in the undeniable, unmistakable negative.

“Oh, really? That’s too bad,” Sai gave a small shrug. “Well, good evening ladies.”

He didn’t wait for a response. Naruto did look puzzled when he returned alone, but Sai only repeated the same small shrug as before.

“What happened?” Naruto asked, perplexed.

“Apparently they were already _on_ a date.” Sai watched Naruto’s brows shoot up to his hairline.

“Shut up! _Those girls?!_” Naruto dropped his voice, but his eyes were wide with shock. “Sorry man, I had no idea…”

“Lesbians are everywhere,” Sai commented, nodding sagely.

Naruto needed another minute to get over the, er, bizarre turn of events, which gave Sai time to peruse the movie listing and make his choice.

“I’d like to see _‘The Road to Forest Glen’_,” he said, breaking Naruto out of his reverie.

“What?” Naruto stuck out his tongue, “Dude, that’s a romantic comedy.”

“Is that wrong?” Sai asked, confused—wasn’t it normal to see those on dates?

Naruto sighed, “All right, lemme explain. When your choices are comedy, romantic comedy, horror, or action—always go with the action flick. The others can really mess up your dates, but action is always safe.”

“Really?” Sai felt more than skeptical, but Naruto seemed so completely confident about it he felt he had to accept. He stepped up to the window and started to get out his wallet.

“Oh ho ho!” Naruto chuckled, tugging on his sleeve. “What do I have here?”

Sai turned to see Naruto holding two movie tickets in front of his face, his mischievous laughter ringing across the whole block.

“I bought them already, while you were off on that errand over there,” Naruto grinned at him, overly pleased. “Which means in ten minutes we’re going to see _‘Rebel Samurai: Fully Loaded’_! It’s going to rock!”

“That’s not fair,” Sai’s brows lowered. “You should have let me buy the tickets.”

“That again?” Naruto rolled his eyes, “Don’t worry about it.”

“Naruto, I—”

But Naruto shot him a smirk over his shoulder as they entered the movie complex. “I’ll let you buy the snacks, how’s that?”

Sai smiled and followed him through the doors. The refreshment counter stretched across the long side of the lobby, dizzying in its advertisements for popcorn and fountain drink combos and specials. “So what would you like to have?”

“Ah ha ha,” Naruto stopped in the middle of the room. “Now we’re delving into the true complexity of movie dating—there are traps everywhere!”

Sai blinked, unsure what to make of this bold statement.

“For instance!” Naruto swept his arm through the air to indicate the snack counter. “What would you do if your date wanted to have popcorn?!”

Sai continued to blink, still at a loss. Was there something bad in it?

Naruto sighed, shaking his head. “You never, ever want to get popcorn on a date, especially if it’s one of the first few—it gets in your teeth!”

“Oh,” Sai thought about this while Naruto continued his lecture.

“Always get something like Choco-snaps or Mint Chews, so that later on, if there’s any, uh, kissing gonna happen, the snacks don’t surprise you,” Naruto chuckled, scratching his head.

“Kissing…?” Sai paused, instantly alert.

“Well yeah,” Naruto tried to play it off, but he seemed a bit hot under the collar. “We _are_ talking about dating right? Stuff like that _should_ happen if you’re doing things right.”

Sai couldn’t believe they were actually talking about it—it gave him goose bumps.

“But you gotta pay attention to every little thing. Picking out the right movie, making sure to get the right snacks,” Naruto said, leading them up to the section of the refreshment stand that still had employees. “Hi,” Naruto greeted the person behind the counter. “One super combo, and whatever he’s having.” He pointed to Sai.

“Just a small drink, please,” Sai replied, getting out the correct cash while their drinks were prepared.

“Now see,” Naruto turned towards him. “If I were a _girl_ and I’d ordered the super combo, and then you just order a small drink—I’d be embarrassed! Girls are weird about these things, so you have to be careful not to upset them.”

“Are you upset?” Sai asked, just to be safe.

“Me? No way,” Naruto shrugged, turning back to accept his giant soda. Sai’s heart gave a lurch when he saw the even more giant bag of popcorn that came with it.

Naruto saw the look on his face and grinned. “What’s the matter? I never said I wouldn’t share. Come on, the theater’s this way.”

Sai steeled himself as best he could, following Naruto into the theater and finding it mostly empty. They turned in the aisle by the steps before heading upward.

“Now for a later show on a weekday, this is pretty normal,” Naruto said, voice low so it wouldn’t echo. “The best thing is to let your date choose where they want to sit, but if they don’t have a preference then the obvious thing is to go in the way back.”

“For a good view?” Sai asked, slipping into the row Naruto chose, way up near the top. The closest patrons were at least three rows further down.

“Well that,” Naruto chuckled, balancing his popcorn carefully while he settled his soda firmly into the cup holder. “And so that it’s more, you know… er, private. Er, I mean, once the lights go down it’s pretty dark up here and stuff, so it makes it easier to get the mood right and all… so yeah.”

“I see,” Sai took the seat beside Naruto, setting his smaller beverage in the holder on his other side to keep it out of the way.

“Yep,” Naruto smiled, then leaned away to take a long drink of his soda. Sai just watched, noting the changes in color of Naruto’s hair when the lights dimmed down to almost nothing, covering them in a blanket of shadow.

“Hmmm,” he flicked his eyes over the rest of the theatre, his shinobi blood unable to stop the assessment of exits and escape routes when inside an enclosed space. Being separated from the rest of the patrons _did_ make it feel more like their own private show. “I see what you mean.”

Naruto fidgeted, getting more comfortable as the first previews came on the screen, along with the thunder of musical intros. “So now that there’s noise and stuff, if things are relaxed and comfortable it’s pretty easy to, uh, you know. Do those couple-type things and stuff.”

“Holding hands?” Sai murmured, acutely aware of Naruto’s presence beside him.

“Yeah, exactly,” Naruto stole a glance to the side, but immediately looked away from his eyes.

Sai pressed his lips together when Naruto reached for his popcorn tub and set it against his far leg, bringing the first handful up to his mouth. Each horrible crunch of popcorn seemed to echo louder and louder, rejecting Sai’s most tawdry fantasies of serious, prolonged lip-lock with every bite. There _had_ to be something he could do.

With as much subtlety as he could muster, Sai slipped his arm around the back of Naruto’s seat. He let his fingers just graze the top of Naruto’s shoulder.

Naruto’s head abruptly turned to the side. “Oh, nice,” he smirked. “That was good; I almost didn’t see that you’d moved. That’s exactly what I’m talking about, here, using the location to your advan—!”

Naruto’s voice jumped an octave, causing several patrons to glance backward overtop their seats.

“_Sai!_” Naruto hissed, his muscles frozen. “Is that… your _hand_?!”

“On your knee?” Sai leaned closer to whisper in his ear. He moved his hand _up_. “Not anymore…”

Naruto twitched in his seat, his breath coming out in strange rasps. “_Sai!_” he hissed again, “That’s… that’s … !”

By that point, Sai’s hand had slid up over the meat of Naruto’s thigh, so it wasn’t hard to shift further and press his palm over Naruto’s—

“_Yeeeeeeeargh!_” Naruto jerked in a wild spasm that sent the entire tub of popcorn flying through the air, dousing the seats in front of them in a tidal wave of fluff. Everyone turned to see what the ruckus was all about, one patron even calling out for them to “Keep it down!” Sai brushed the popcorn from his slacks, and since Naruto was now standing, he helped brush off Naruto’s seat as well while waiting for him to recover.

The next movie preview began and so people returned their attention to the screen. Finally, Naruto rounded on him, fists clenched at his sides. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” he whispered, though it was more half hiss, half growl.

“Did I pass the test?” Sai asked, tilting his head.

“_What…?!_” Naruto’s eyes went wide in exasperation, which Sai thought was just as cute as he had been at any other time. “_No!_ There wasn’t going to be any test!”

“Shhh,” Sai motioned for him to sit down. “The movie’s about to start, Naruto.” He felt so much better now.

Naruto squared his shoulders and resumed his seat, slurping several big gulps of his soda. Sai gave it a couple of minutes before slipping his arm around Naruto’s shoulders a second time.

Naruto closed his eyes. “Sai.”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?” Naruto cracked his eyes open to small slits, glaring at him from the side.

Sai smiled. “Practicing.”

Naruto’s mouth curled in suspicion. Then his eyes slid back to the front. “I thought you were going to say that.”

♦

At the movie’s conclusion, Sai and Naruto made their way out of the theater, apologizing to the staff about the mess. Sai felt particularly bad that he’d embarrassed Naruto enough for him to flush in front of the Manager; that hadn’t been his intention at all.

But once they were back outside, the large crescent moon overhead in the midnight sky gave him something else to be nervous about—this was the end of their date. And even if he hadn’t listened to all those books, he knew what it meant that their date was almost over; he could tell by the host of butterflies fluttering behind his abs, so highly attuned to the growing awkwardness of each passing moment they stood in front of the locked theater doors.

_[If you like your date, tell them. You don’t need to be explicit but you don’t need to be coy either.]_

“Naruto-kun,” Sai smiled, trying to be brave. “I had a… highly memorable evening with you tonight. Thank you for everything.”

“Heh,” Naruto scraped his fingers through his messy blond crown. “I didn’t do much, really.”

“You did, though,” Sai nodded.

“Well I didn’t get you hooked up with any girls, so, uh, I guess that’ll have to wait,” Naruto chuckled, flashing a brief smile. “But you know, you’re going to be fine, so, don’t worry! It’s easy once you’ve had some experience and all.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Sai dropped his gaze to the sidewalk, knowing there was only one person he’d ever want to do this with again.

_[If you can arrange a second date at this stage, then do so, but only if you are serious.]_

“I might still need some help,” Sai chanced a glance over at Naruto. “If you’re up for it?”

“Aw, you don’t need me,” Naruto waved a hand in the air, grinning. “I think the best thing now is for you to go at it on your own, you know? At this point I’ll just be in the way. You’ve got the basics down, so, uh… yeah. Go for it.”

Sai tried not to show his disappointment. _‘I guess that’s his final answer.’_

In the lights of the street, with nobody else around, Sai could only stare at Naruto from little more than an arm-length away and burn the image of him into his memory forever. The only thing that could make this night any more perfect would be a goodnight kiss—just one, a kiss so full of emotional truths that they’d be humbled by it, weak-kneed and breathless.

“But hey, you know what?” Naruto stepped closer, snapping his fingers. “I think I might know a couple of girls I can introduce you to, if you want. I don’t want you to be totally disappointed or anything. Konohamaru’s the one who knows them, really, but they’re really close to our age and everything—”

“—No,” Sai interrupted. “Thank you, but…I can’t accept that offer.”

“Why not?”

“Well,” Sai scratched a finger on his cheek, wondering how to really say it—

And then he just said it.

“There’s already someone I’m interested in,” he closed some of the distance between them, enough so that he could trace a hand over the whiskers on Naruto’s cheek. “And they’re standing right here. On this street.”

Naruto gasped, his brows furrowing from a surprise that clearly made him less than ecstatic. Sai took advantage of the confused silence to lean in and brush his lips across Naruto’s other cheek before backing away.

“So thank you. But nobody else will do.” He lifted his hand in goodbye before walking away.

And just as expected, Naruto didn’t try to stop him.

♦

Sai went directly home after that. Was there anything else he _could_ do? He didn’t think so.

So he went directly home, and made himself a sandwich, then brushed his teeth and got into his bed, just like any other night. Yet unlike other nights, the sands of sleep remained motionless and didn’t pull him under. So he lay there, feeling nothing because he was too miserable to stand feeling so miserable, until the inexplicable occurred—someone knocked on the door.

He let the person knock a second time before he got up out of bed to answer it.

“Hi.” Naruto stood there with no particular expression, as casual as the situation was definitely _not_.

Sai blinked, not sure if he could be dreaming.

“I know it’s late, and all, but I forgot something,” Naruto said.

“Oh,” Sai replied. “What is it?”

“Well, there’s something I forgot to go over with you,” Naruto rubbed the back of his neck. “We didn’t go over what happens at the end of the date.”

“The end of the date,” Sai repeated, just to be sure he’d heard right.

Naruto nodded, then leaned forward, one side of his mouth twitching in something like humor. “I’m talking about the _kiss_.”

“Oh. The kiss,” Sai shifted his weight onto one leg. “Right.”

“Right, so—” Naruto started to lift his arms, but Sai planted a firm hand in the center of his chest.

“Don’t,” Sai murmured.

“Why not?” Naruto leaned into his hand, forcing their bodies closer.

Sai tried to disregard the voices calling him an idiot inside his head. “Because I’d rather not kiss you at all, than kiss you tonight and have it be the only time. So… _please_.”

“Tch,” Naruto flashed his teeth in a partial grin. “Then I guess that depends on how good of a kisser you are, doesn’t it.”

Sai hesitated—Naruto’s statement confused him. “Pardon?”

Naruto shrugged, but his mouth still held a grin. “Well I might not want to do it again if you suck, you know? So you better make it good. Okay?”

There were many things Sai could have said at this moment, but long afterward he was glad he decided to say none of them, choosing instead to pull Naruto against him and complete their very first kiss.

_[Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practice on a mirror if you have to.]_

Naruto’s mouth, Naruto’s lips, Naruto’s tongue worked magic—Sai had never, ever been so hot in his entire life. There, on the stoop, their faces mashed together to create the kiss to surpass all kisses!

That is, until the first kiss became the second, and then the second slid into the third, their repertoire expanding to include lip nibbling and neck biting and ass grabbing and crotch grinding—which actually made _that_ the precise moment Sai had never been hotter in his whole life.

And then came the _nipple pinching_.

“Nnnn…!” he groaned into Naruto’s mouth, some small shred of sanity warning him to back away from the lustful blond before he completely lost all control and they screwed like cracked-out jackrabbits right here in front of the neighbors–this was thousands of ways different than practicing with his mirror, and three trillion times _better_.

_[Do not be planning deep throat kissing and sex immediately after unless it really is on the cards for both of you.]_

Somehow, and with great effort, Sai tore his lips from Naruto’s long enough to say, “_WAIT!_”

Naruto looked deep into his eyes for several tense moments, then shook his head. “Nope, not waiting…” he said against Sai’s lips, picking up where they left off and pressing him backwards into the apartment and then into the nearest wall.

“But—” Sai managed to squeak between kisses hot enough to melt his tongue like candy. “But—!”

Naruto stopped the words again, holding Sai’s wrists above his head and lining up their hips. Sai tried one more time to speak, and Naruto finally broke off their kissing, probably aggravated by the interruptions.

“What is it?!”

“It’s just the first date,” Sai explained, gasping for breath. “I’m not sure we should pass third base tonight…”

“_Third base?!_” Naruto screwed up his face, appalled, then returned to licking Sai’s neck below the ear. “Sai, I don’t think that kind of thing applies to us…”

“Why not?” Sai bit his lip, wrapping one long leg around Naruto’s lower back.

“Because I know you,” he whispered into Sai’s skin, “And you know me. And we’ve been friends for longer than one date…”

_[And even then, remember that you should be planning to retain your enigma at least for a few dates more so resolve not to get into bed just yet.]_

“So it really was a date, then? Tonight?” Sai turned his head enough to catch Naruto’s eye.

Naruto grinned at him, a combination of the boyish grin he’d first fallen in love with, and the matured, decidedly _adult_ grin he was learning to love even more. Naruto shifted his hand to stroke through Sai’s ink-black hair.

“Probably the best I’ve ever had.”

Sai groaned and fixed their lips together, ignoring the voice that was urging him to

_[Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everyth—_

“—Oh _shut up_,” Sai murmured, ripping the front of Naruto’s shirt open and running the flat of his tongue across the line of his collarbone. He disregarded Naruto’s confusion in favor of ripping off more clothing and pressing skin against skin.

“I think I’ll just help myself…”

♦

Sai was still helping himself to the delicious depravity offered by one Uzumaki Naruto when the sun crested over the trees of Konoha’s great forest. The futon was in total disarray, but Sai kept on riding and ignored everything around them aside from Naruto’s breath against his neck, both big hands gripping his ass.

“You know, I have something to say to you,” Naruto said, rolling them over so he could look him straight in the eye, propped up on his elbows. “If you really liked me for so long, then why in the hell didn’t you just friggin’ _say something_?”

“I tried, but you never understood me!” Sai settled his arms tighter around Naruto’s shoulders, winding his fingers through the wild tufts of yellow that made him think of sunflowers now that he’d handled one up close. “Just yesterday, I asked you out and you didn’t get it!”

“That’s because I didn’t know you liked guys!” Naruto growled, indignant. “Of course I wouldn’t get it! I thought you were finally getting serious about finding a girlfriend!”

“You didn’t know that I’m…” Sai blinked at him in total disbelief. “Oh, I see…” He thought about it. It even made sense. Except… “But why would you ever think I was _heterosexual_?” He shivered at the word. He couldn’t even eat shrimp, let alone clams.

“Well because,” Naruto sighed, uncomfortable, his thrusts slowing from the distraction of their conversation. “Because okay, remember that time we hung out at Kiba’s drinking Sake? Like a year ago?” He waited for Sai to nod. “Well I was, er…” Naruto flushed.

“Tell me,” Sai rocked his hips forward to prod him, squeezing that thick cock inside him and enjoying the way Naruto’s eyes fluttered their long lashes.

Naruto took another moment to collect himself, bending down to kiss his mouth for a slow, sweet interval.

“You won’t believe it, but I was going to ask you out that night.”

Sai smiled, remembering. “I was getting you drunk on purpose.”

“Well, that’s just it–I was trying to get you drunk too!” Naruto stopped moving altogether, staring down at him. “One minute things are going fine, and I’m all ready to ask you out and everything, but I get up to take a piss, and when I get back I find you lip-locked with Kiba’s _mom_!”

Sai blushed, figuring it must have been something like that. He coughed, glancing away from the intensity in Naruto’s face. “Is that what happened? I don’t remember.”

“Sai!” Naruto scolded him, very annoyed. “It was a very traumatic night for me, okay?”

“Then forget it—I don’t remember anyways, except it was _you_ that I’d wanted to wake up with,” Sai tried to pull him down for a kiss, but Naruto stopped it with a flex of his strong arms.

“Promise?” Naruto asked, touching their noses together.

Sai nodded, nuzzling him. “Now is there something wrong with your penis? It seems to have stopped moving…”

“I think I can fix that,” Naruto flashed all his teeth in a wicked grin, pressing Sai’s legs further back to get a deeper angle. “And then for our second date, I challenge you to a rematch at the Pool hall.”

Sai smiled, every bit of him eager to duel with any sort of sticks and balls Naruto might choose.

“But if I win, we’ll eat a candlelight dinner and then see that romantic comedy and then sit by the fountain in the park?” He lifted one brow in suggestion, pleased when Naruto’s happy laughter crinkled his eyes at the corners.

“You’re _on_.”

And somewhere between their second, third, and fourth dates, Sai learned that even if he lost… he won.

—

Ω

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired in part by an article on the site, "Top Dating Tips," which is no longer available, however I'm sure there are many similar articles out there. <3


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